Poly Dating: How to Support a Partner who is Feeling Jealous
One of the most common issues that couples will meet when new to polyamorous communities is jealousy. And jealousy is the most important thing to consider before they go to a swinger club/party or use a poly dating site to find a match. This is not to say you can only give it a try when you are free of jealousy if you don't want to break your existing relationship.
It's ok to own emotions during the adventure. Everyone should take responsibility for their own emotions and be committed to working through the difficulty. Of all the emotions that we must learn to experience and deal with, jealousy is the most challenging one when you want to explore a poly relationship. So here are some tips an rules for supporting a jealous partner.
- Talk about their fears and anxieties
It might be best to talk with your partner in advance about their fears and anxieties. Learn what exactly makes her jealous, and don't be afraid to express how their actions make you feel. According to Danielle B. Grossman, California licensed marriage and family therapist, "Do not try to minimize, negate or 'fix' the fears. Do not try to bully your partner's fear of submission. Do not belittle, humiliate, shame, and threaten the fear." Listen and don't attack your partner when they're choosing to confide in you. Be empathetic and give them your undivided attention. There should be a talk as well after the event. Ask your partner whether something makes them feel uncomfortable and try to avoid the same situation next time.
- Put yourself in their shoes
You may not be facing jealousy at the moment, but you may have this issue in a previous relationship. When you are getting annoyed about your partner having this issue, try to remember the moments when you were jealousy. It can help you to understand why they may be feeling the way that they do. Consider it as one of the polyamorous dating rules to follow.
- Be more affectionate when jealousy happens
A bit of jealousy can be a good sign because it means that your partner cares about being with you, which is so important in the married dating scene. So don't get frustrated once you find your partner is feeling jealousy. Show them that you are there for them and that they have no reason to be worried. It will go far in helping you to keep the relationship.
- Be honest and don't make empty promises
Don't try to cover up little things that may come up. If you have a colleague that has been flirting with you and you have somewhat liked it, let your partner know. It's when you start hiding things that jealousy begins to flourish.
Meanwhile, don't make promise that you can't keep. It can be very tempting to give any promise to your partner to make her feeling good. Think twice before you make a promise. This is important to keep a continuous healthy poly relationship. Making promises you can't keep will do more harm than good in the long term. This kind of thing fails to get at the real problem.
If you're a polyamorous couple, working through jealousy is a must to keep this kind of adult relationship. Having a community of people who understand and support you is going to be a huge asset to all of you as you move through your polyamorous journey. If you can't find those people in your city or town, try an online polyamorous dating site or on a social media message board. Or, consider hiring a sex and relationship coach who can provide you with tools for working through these things.